Many a times, we find ourselves in situations where we have to stand in the gap. There are a myriad of causes, often unprecedented. Being caught out of the blue, it is not surprising to hear of lamentations and negative talks, especially if it disrupts our schedule, shifting our appointments and de-conflicting events can be a real pain sometimes. In addition, the thought of covering another person aggravates the pain and often lands us into a state of self pity.
Painful as it may seem, standing in the gap is necessary for a successful social life. This echos one of the key principles of friendship that we all hold dear to, that is to 'give and take'. This extra mile that we run might relief our friend of some worries, allowing him/her to concentrate on more significant priorities. We might meet the same situation someday and the situation might warrant someone to cover our duties as well. I reckon, the person who you have helped before will be more willing to step forward (to return a favour), like a wise lady once said "People never forget that helping hand especially when times are tough." Of course, I am saying that with the assumption that people around us are all appreciative. If our favours go unappreciated, we can only console ourselves that we have done a good dead and will receive our rewards in due time, from the one above.
However, we got to practice some discernment when we offer assistance to people. We got to critically assess if the case is truly genuine. Blindly offering help might promote sloth. Saying that, we got to exercise tact when we turn down the offer. This is an integral part of human relations as well.
"Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds."
George Eliot
Standing in the gap will borne for us some fruits as well. During the process, we might pick up some handy skills that will bring us a long way, I fondly call to mind a quote that I recently came across "The more I help others to succeed, the more I succeed". Truly, sometimes, by extending the helping hand, we receive more than what we give.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Mother- The Love Testament
Last night, I had the blessing of watching My Sister's Keeper (thanks to the generosity of a friend). The film left me with a plethora of emotions, a tinge of compassion, some feelings of pity and so on...but most of all, I begin to come to a deeper realisation of unconditional love. This was reflected by a mother in the film (pardon me, for i cannot really recall her name due to the attack of the ZZZ monster).
This mother was a well to do lawyer, endeavouring to establish her own legal practice. She was living a blissful life, like any other young mother, enjoying the companionship of her husband and being alongside her newly born child. However, just as she was savouring these moments of joy, she discovered some anomalies in her daughter's body, that discovery induced a radical change in her life, not for the better... After a whole string of investigations, her daughter (Kate) was diagnosed with leukemia. That was surely a devastating news for her.
Upon the discovery, she vouched to be by her daughter and tried ways and means to get her cured. She was by her daughter 24/7...during treatment, during silent moments, during times were life just seems so bleak... That did not come free of course, to be able to do that, there must be some opportunity costs, as defined in economic parlances. The trade off in this case was great, she had to put aside her career, which she painstakingly established, her marriage, which is a indispensable part of a woman's life... She also went to the extent of shaving bald so as to boost the self-esteem of her daughter who was going through chemo therapy. When faced with legal indictment, she went against all odds to fight the case. She gave up all the imperatives of a woman- beauty, family and marriage. All these, just to ensure that her daughter could live another day...How deep a mother's love, giving up everything for her child.
The whole epitome of love was observed, however, not from the aforementioned gestures, contrary to many's beliefs. It was seen when she was willing to give up all her efforts of saving her daughter when the news of 'Your daughter actually wants to die' was broken to her. Many of us might not think much of it. However, let me attempt to put things into perspective. Everyone works with a motivation, that motivation is the impetus for every action. For the mother, the motivation of the entire life was to save her daughter, her whole life revolved around that, she was plainly living just for that. Suddenly, upon the breaking of that news, she had to be detached from this primary motivation of her life, to uproot it totally, just to grant the wish of the child, out of her great love as a mother. It is really tough, especially since she has all along been fighting hard to preserve her child's life... Granting this wish of the child, she will also anticipate her child's death, she has alot to lose, but she did it... This, to me, truly shows the ultimate love of a mother, totally selfless, offering her whole life as a sacrifice of love.
Many of us have the perception that by loving someone, we would have to do a whole load of sweet and nice things for them, showering them with this and that. I do see the merits in that. However, the greatest love is, like the mother, is to be able to let go, to be able to just be a supportive figure unconditionally. Ironic as it may sound, hard to continue to show love when the person is dead yea? But, I reckon love transcends the physicalities...and can still persist upon death.
Not all of us face such drastic happenings in our lives, however, I reckon, in every mother lies the element of unconditional love. Sometimes, they have difficulties communicating it, however, that does not suggest its absence. Let us attempt, in our daily lives, to be attentive and appreciative of the mother's love. Gestures that are often taken for granted (a homecooked meal, a neat and clean house) are testament of love and should be carefully savoured.
Food for thought:
A father may turn his back on his child; brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies; husbands may desert their wives and wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all; in good repute, in bad repute, in the face of the world's condemnation, a mother still loves on, and still hopes that her child may turn from his evil ways, and repent; still she remembers the infant smiles that once filled her bosom with rapture, the merry laugh, the joyful shout of his childhood, the opening promise of his youth; and she can never be brought to think him all unworthy.
- Washington Irving
This mother was a well to do lawyer, endeavouring to establish her own legal practice. She was living a blissful life, like any other young mother, enjoying the companionship of her husband and being alongside her newly born child. However, just as she was savouring these moments of joy, she discovered some anomalies in her daughter's body, that discovery induced a radical change in her life, not for the better... After a whole string of investigations, her daughter (Kate) was diagnosed with leukemia. That was surely a devastating news for her.
Upon the discovery, she vouched to be by her daughter and tried ways and means to get her cured. She was by her daughter 24/7...during treatment, during silent moments, during times were life just seems so bleak... That did not come free of course, to be able to do that, there must be some opportunity costs, as defined in economic parlances. The trade off in this case was great, she had to put aside her career, which she painstakingly established, her marriage, which is a indispensable part of a woman's life... She also went to the extent of shaving bald so as to boost the self-esteem of her daughter who was going through chemo therapy. When faced with legal indictment, she went against all odds to fight the case. She gave up all the imperatives of a woman- beauty, family and marriage. All these, just to ensure that her daughter could live another day...How deep a mother's love, giving up everything for her child.
The whole epitome of love was observed, however, not from the aforementioned gestures, contrary to many's beliefs. It was seen when she was willing to give up all her efforts of saving her daughter when the news of 'Your daughter actually wants to die' was broken to her. Many of us might not think much of it. However, let me attempt to put things into perspective. Everyone works with a motivation, that motivation is the impetus for every action. For the mother, the motivation of the entire life was to save her daughter, her whole life revolved around that, she was plainly living just for that. Suddenly, upon the breaking of that news, she had to be detached from this primary motivation of her life, to uproot it totally, just to grant the wish of the child, out of her great love as a mother. It is really tough, especially since she has all along been fighting hard to preserve her child's life... Granting this wish of the child, she will also anticipate her child's death, she has alot to lose, but she did it... This, to me, truly shows the ultimate love of a mother, totally selfless, offering her whole life as a sacrifice of love.
Many of us have the perception that by loving someone, we would have to do a whole load of sweet and nice things for them, showering them with this and that. I do see the merits in that. However, the greatest love is, like the mother, is to be able to let go, to be able to just be a supportive figure unconditionally. Ironic as it may sound, hard to continue to show love when the person is dead yea? But, I reckon love transcends the physicalities...and can still persist upon death.
Not all of us face such drastic happenings in our lives, however, I reckon, in every mother lies the element of unconditional love. Sometimes, they have difficulties communicating it, however, that does not suggest its absence. Let us attempt, in our daily lives, to be attentive and appreciative of the mother's love. Gestures that are often taken for granted (a homecooked meal, a neat and clean house) are testament of love and should be carefully savoured.
Food for thought:
A father may turn his back on his child; brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies; husbands may desert their wives and wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all; in good repute, in bad repute, in the face of the world's condemnation, a mother still loves on, and still hopes that her child may turn from his evil ways, and repent; still she remembers the infant smiles that once filled her bosom with rapture, the merry laugh, the joyful shout of his childhood, the opening promise of his youth; and she can never be brought to think him all unworthy.
- Washington Irving
Homecoming
Today, we hear of the story of Zacchaeus, a story that is etched in the minds of every Christian. The narrative cited Christ making a decision that was not popular amongst the vast majority, as such, it wasn't well received at all and even faced much criticism and strong disagreements. The second part of the story saw the homecoming of Zacchaeus.
There are three noteworthy characters in the scene that truly merits our attention. First, the crowd, second, Zacchaeus and third, Christ himself. Looking at the three characters, I gathered several learning points.
1. Looking at the Crowd- I see my self-righteous and condescending self, constantly critical about others, the temptation to be judgmental and the eagerness of put others down. Many a times, I have an inclination to not look at my flaws and instead, actively try to pinpoint. This inclination saw me say things like 'no hope already man...why bother...he is beyond salvation...' With some hindsight, these words seem harsh and callous. It might be especially unjust if the person is already trying his best to better himself and my remark just put him totally down....
2. Looking at Zacchaeus- I learnt that to true repentance comes with detachment, breaking away from our sinfulness.
3. Looking at Christ himself- I see that he is ever ready to welcome anyone who is willing to turn back to him. Hence if the saviour is willing to do that, who are we to turn people away... We should start to adopt the stance of constantly welcoming people as they turn back to Christ, blessing them with love, peace and joy. For this is truly what it means to be the bearer of hope...bringing Christ to the world...
The aforementioned...my learning points for today...cheers! =)
There are three noteworthy characters in the scene that truly merits our attention. First, the crowd, second, Zacchaeus and third, Christ himself. Looking at the three characters, I gathered several learning points.
1. Looking at the Crowd- I see my self-righteous and condescending self, constantly critical about others, the temptation to be judgmental and the eagerness of put others down. Many a times, I have an inclination to not look at my flaws and instead, actively try to pinpoint. This inclination saw me say things like 'no hope already man...why bother...he is beyond salvation...' With some hindsight, these words seem harsh and callous. It might be especially unjust if the person is already trying his best to better himself and my remark just put him totally down....
2. Looking at Zacchaeus- I learnt that to true repentance comes with detachment, breaking away from our sinfulness.
3. Looking at Christ himself- I see that he is ever ready to welcome anyone who is willing to turn back to him. Hence if the saviour is willing to do that, who are we to turn people away... We should start to adopt the stance of constantly welcoming people as they turn back to Christ, blessing them with love, peace and joy. For this is truly what it means to be the bearer of hope...bringing Christ to the world...
The aforementioned...my learning points for today...cheers! =)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Pressing On...
I happened to chance upon a friend's personal message a few moments ago, it reads ' Why God, do we make wishes if they do not come true...'That seemed to me like a cry of despair. This short anecdote is a reflection of the gospel today. Today, Mark's Gospel narrates the healing of a blind man. Jesus was on this way to Jericho, on his way there, he happened to chance upon this blind man bitterly begging by the streets. When Jesus passed, the blind man shouted 'Jesus, son of David, have pity on me.'At once, he was rebuked by the people around him. However, he did not give up, in good faith, he pressed on. Finally, he caught Jesus' attention and was healed 'by his faith'.
Many of us, like my friend, would have met such similar situations in our lives. We all have our wishes, hopes and various intentions, and we often offer them to the Lord in times of intercession. In good faith, we put these intentions before our Lord but lose faith when we do not see them coming to fruition at the time we expect them to. The question is, do we really trust that they are in the good hands of the Lord? Do we really trust that he will provide the right resources to us at the right time, at the right place? Are we really praying in true and authentic faith?
In the upper room, Jesus said to Thomas 'You have seen and thus believe, blessed are those who have yet to see by believe.' Truly, these words speak to everyone of us. In times of hopelessness and despair, do we still press on with our faith? Do we lose hope when the future looks gloomy and God just doesn't seem present in our lives?
In today's gospel narrative, we see that the man was saved because he pressed on. If he had given up upon the negative reactions and opposition from the people around him, he might not even get to Jesus. His faith won him a renewed life, where he is able to see once again. My brothers and sisters, our faith will be constantly challenged, here lies a very fundamental question- Are we in our lives going to chicken out when we challenged by the slightest bit of adversity?
God Bless!
Many of us, like my friend, would have met such similar situations in our lives. We all have our wishes, hopes and various intentions, and we often offer them to the Lord in times of intercession. In good faith, we put these intentions before our Lord but lose faith when we do not see them coming to fruition at the time we expect them to. The question is, do we really trust that they are in the good hands of the Lord? Do we really trust that he will provide the right resources to us at the right time, at the right place? Are we really praying in true and authentic faith?
In the upper room, Jesus said to Thomas 'You have seen and thus believe, blessed are those who have yet to see by believe.' Truly, these words speak to everyone of us. In times of hopelessness and despair, do we still press on with our faith? Do we lose hope when the future looks gloomy and God just doesn't seem present in our lives?
In today's gospel narrative, we see that the man was saved because he pressed on. If he had given up upon the negative reactions and opposition from the people around him, he might not even get to Jesus. His faith won him a renewed life, where he is able to see once again. My brothers and sisters, our faith will be constantly challenged, here lies a very fundamental question- Are we in our lives going to chicken out when we challenged by the slightest bit of adversity?
God Bless!
The Balancing Act
I was invited to be present at a meeting this weekend at a particular church. This meeting was convened with the intent of facilitating sharing and dialogue between the catechists of the local church. During one of the discourses, it was concluded that we should 'strike a balance between the different priorities'. Indeed, it brings back some memories, doesn't it? This phrase seem to surface repeatedly in our discussions. I personally feel that this is futile talk, whilst one knows that he should strike the balance, most of the time, he will not be able to achieve that balance because he is not equipped with the means or tools to do it. Soon after, he will crumble after losing balance.
The balancing act entails more than it seems. In my humble opinion, it requires ongoing monitoring and reviews to make sure that everything is really balanced. However, the challenge is this- it is an innate characteristic of humans to focus on one and neglect the other, especially if one seems significantly more attractive. The balancing act, if i may opine, requires sound judgment, good discernment skills and the discipline to keep everything in check (Saying that, I acknowledge that there are grounds that I may have overlooked and apologise for the inadequacy). As seen, the conclusion of 'striking a balance' is the end state, however, we should look into the process because that will greatly determine whether or not we reach that end state.
Some of us are engaged in mentoring roles, it is sometimes to tempting to give 'formulated advice'- recommending fixed formulas to our proteges, out of convenience. 'You have to strike a balance' seems to be one of the members of that formula list. Perhaps, we could consider going a step further- suggesting ways of which the protege could go about achieving that balance, that would be more concrete and be of more clarity to the receiving party. Like the saying goes 'teach a man to fish and he will be able to fish for life.' Teaching the man how to strike that balance will be an invaluable tool for his future.
God bless!
The balancing act entails more than it seems. In my humble opinion, it requires ongoing monitoring and reviews to make sure that everything is really balanced. However, the challenge is this- it is an innate characteristic of humans to focus on one and neglect the other, especially if one seems significantly more attractive. The balancing act, if i may opine, requires sound judgment, good discernment skills and the discipline to keep everything in check (Saying that, I acknowledge that there are grounds that I may have overlooked and apologise for the inadequacy). As seen, the conclusion of 'striking a balance' is the end state, however, we should look into the process because that will greatly determine whether or not we reach that end state.
Some of us are engaged in mentoring roles, it is sometimes to tempting to give 'formulated advice'- recommending fixed formulas to our proteges, out of convenience. 'You have to strike a balance' seems to be one of the members of that formula list. Perhaps, we could consider going a step further- suggesting ways of which the protege could go about achieving that balance, that would be more concrete and be of more clarity to the receiving party. Like the saying goes 'teach a man to fish and he will be able to fish for life.' Teaching the man how to strike that balance will be an invaluable tool for his future.
God bless!
Alex- The ENTJ
ENTJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. Since their major quest in life is to constantly take in knowledge and turn that into something useful, the ENTJ will try to turn everything into a learning experience. Within the context of relationships, that means they will constantly seek knowledge and revise the rules and definitions of their relationships. They value their relationships highly, especially those relationships which present them with new challenges and stimulate their learning. Such exchanges promote genuine affection and satisfaction for the ENTJ. Relationships which do not offer any chances for growth or learning hold no interest to the ENTJ. As in other areas of life, the ENTJ likes to be in charge of their relationships. In conversation, they are very direct and confrontational, and can be highly critical and challenging towards others. People involved in close relationships with the ENTJ need to have a good amount of personal strength. For those who do, the ENTJ has a tremendous amount to offer.
ENTJ Strengths
● Genuinely interested in people's ideas and thoughts
● Enthusiastic and energetic
● Take their commitments very seriously
● Fair-minded and interested in doing the Right Thing
● Very good with money
● Extremely direct and straightforward
● Verbally fluent
● Enhance and encourage knowledge and self-growth in all aspects of life
● Able to leave relationships without looking back
● Able to turn conflict situations into positive lessons
● Able to take constructive criticism well
● Extremely high standards and expectations (both a strength and a weakness)
● Usually have strong affections and sentimental streaks
● Able to dole out discipline
ENTJ Weaknesses
● Their enthusiasm for verbal debates can make them appear argumentative
● Tendency to be challenging and confrontational
● Tend to get involved in "win-lose" conversations
● Tendency to have difficulty listening to others
● Tendency to be critical of opinions and attitudes which don't match their own
● Extremely high standards and expectations (both a strength and a weakness)
● Not naturally in tune with people's feelings and reactions
● May have difficulty expressing love and affection, sometimes seeming awkward or inappropriate
● Can be overpowering and intimidating to others
● Tendency to want to always be in charge, rather than sharing responsibilities
● Can be very harsh and intolerant about messiness or inefficiency
● Tendency to be controlling
● May be slow to give praise or to realize another's need for praise
● If unhappy or underdeveloped, they may be very impersonal, dictatorial, or abrasive
● Tendency to make hasty decisions
● Make explode with terrible tempers when under extreme stress
ENTJs as Lovers
ENTJs make aggressive, enthusiastic partners who take their commitments very seriously. As in other aspects of their life, they want to be the leader in the relationship, and take on responsibility for making things work. They are creative leaders, and are likely to have relationships which promote constant growth and learning. Since they are constantly scanning the environment for new ideas and things worth learning, the ENTJ may frequently re-define the "rules" of the relationship, although their commitment remains constant. If it becomes very clear to them that the relationship no longer offers any chance of growth or learning, the ENTJ will leave the situation, and not look back.
ENTJs are usually very successful in their careers, and usually very good with money. This is helpful in that it may remove a lot of the conflict which couples generate over money matters, but it may become a problem if the ENTJ is too much of a workaholic to spend time on the growth and development of the relationship.
The ENTJ is not naturally in-tune with the feelings and emotions of their partners. ENTJs who allow themselves time to be alone and develop the introspective "feeling" side of their natures will be generally "softer" individuals, who are more aware of their partners' emotional needs. However, this awareness is almost always a conscious attempt on the part of the ENTJ, rather than a naturally occurring characteristic. ENTJs who do not make the attempt to be aware of others and to value their feelings and opinions may find themselves in unbalanced relationships where real communication does not take place. These kinds of situations present a two-edged sword to the ENTJ. They want to be in charge, but if they become so much in charge as to stifle their partners, they will eventually become bored with the relationship.
Sexually, the ENTJ is robust, imaginative and enthusiastic. Their natural instinct to lead will be apparent in this arena as well as other areas of life, and they will lead their partner on creative lovemaking adventures, where the focus is on mutual learning and affection sharing. They're likely to expect sex on a relatively scheduled basis.
The ENTJ does not usually have a problem with self-confidence and is not especially emotionally needy. Although they enjoy being told that they are loved and appreciated, they don't need to hear these types of avowals as often as most other types. If they are partnered with a Feeling type, they are probably not likely to fulfill their partner's needs for intimate words without conscious effort. Even with effort, the ENTJ may have problems being aware of other's emotional needs, and they most likely won't understand those needs even if they are aware of them.
ENTJs approach conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning. This is a very healthy outlook in general, but may be a problem in a close relationship with a Feeling type. Individuals with the Feeling preference generally detest conflict and criticism, and avoid it as one would avoid a deadly snake. The ENTJs tendency to be confrontational may be very threatening to a person with a Feeling preference - especially so if they are an intimate partner of the ENTJ. An ENTJ who has a well-developed Feeling side may work well with a partner with a Feeling preference. Otherwise, ENTJs will probably have the most successful intimate relationships with types which prefer the Thinking process naturally, or who are not extremely strong on the Feeling preference.
In general, the ENTJ has a lot to offer to their intimate relationships. They're dedicated and enthusiastic, and willing to put forth a lot of effort to make things work out. They take on responsibility and accountability, and expect to be in charge. Their relationship will be one based on mutual respect, constant growth and development.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENTJ's natural partner is the INTP, or the ISTP. AN ENTJ's dominant function of Extraverted Thinking is best-matched with a personality type that is dominated by Introverted Thinking. The ENTJ/INTP match is ideal, because it also shares the common Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENTJ/ISTP match is also very good.
ENTJs as Parents
ENTJs take their parenting role very seriously. They consider the task of passing on their values and goals to their children as an objective fact - it is something which will be done. They consider it their responsibility to make sure that their child is constantly developing and learning in the most optimal way. The ENTJ parent is usually rather strict, and has very high expectations of their children.
As a parent, the ENTJ continuously promotes learning and independent thinking. They pass on their love of knowledge to their children, and challenge them at every turn to thoroughly understand their positions and perspectives. They expect that their children will follow their lead. The ENTJ is in charge - there can be no doubt about that. They expect their children to honor their parents and to follow the rules and procedures which are set forth for the household. There is little room for error in those expectations, and the ENTJ will be a harsh parental authoritarian when the rules are broken. The children of an ENTJ usually know their place, and have a lot of respect for their ENTJ parent.
During the teen years, we are likely to see a child rebel from their relationship with the ENTJ. Although this situation is common with almost all of the types, it is especially true for parents who are Extraverted Judging types. Children growing into adults do not want to be controlled, and adults who are used to controlling their children have a difficult time letting go. The ENTJ parent would be wise to "loosen up" their hold a bit, as long as they can do so without compromising what they feel to be right.
ENTJs who have not given themselves introspective time to develop the feeling side of their nature frequently develop harsh, aggressive tendencies. Such an ENTJ parent is prone to be something of a dictator - giving out orders arbitrarily, and expecting them to be followed to a "T" without any "back-talk". If continued over a long span of time, this kind of behavior creates an oppressive environment for the child. An ENTJ can address such tendencies by making time for introspection, and remembering to consciously be aware of people's feelings.
ENTJs who have managed to avoid many of the problems associated with their type are wonderful parental figures. They are remembered fondly and valued by their children for challenging them at every turn, and thus promoting growth and development. This type of knowledge seeking usually becomes a life-long habit for their children, who turn into responsible and independent adults.
ENTJs as Friends
ENTJs are bright, energetic, sociable individuals who are keenly interested in other people's ideas, theories and perspectives. They love nothing better than to participate in quality conversation with other people who share similar views to their own, or who have something new to teach the ENTJ. They make stimulating, interesting, and dynamic friends and peers.
The ENTJ thoroughly enjoys lively, intellectual conversations - welcoming such interaction as a learning opportunity for all parties involved. They have a tendency to be direct and challenging when interacting with others, which tends to put people on the defensive. This is in fact exactly what they're after - the ENTJ wants to learn what you know, and understand as many of the nuances of your knowledge as the context of the conversation will allow. They go after this knowledge in a very direct, confrontational manner. With this approach, they will learn not only the facts of the knowledge, but also the background of the individual's stance on that piece of knowledge. How well does the individual understand the topic? How invested is the individual in their stance? This method of "unsettling" people has the effect of livening up conversations and stimulating learning, when the other conversationalists are able to easily withstand the interrogations of the ENTJ. People who are uncomfortable with being challenged, or who are less than confident in the topic being discussed, are likely to be subdued into not expressing themselves with the ENTJ. This is a bit of a shame, since many people have valuable things to offer, but are not always willing to stand on top of a mountain and strongly shout their views to the world.
The ENTJ is likely to seek the company of people who have similar views and interests to their own. They have no patience with people who have very different lifestyles and perspectives from their own. However, as individuals with a great deal of personal power, ENTJs are highly attracted to interacting with other individuals with a powerful presence. They admire such people, although they may not agree with them. ENTJs are likely to form their closer friendships with other iNtuitives - especially Extraverted iNtuitives, such as ENTJs, ENTPs, ENFJs, and ENFPs. The ENTJ will enjoy the other iNtuitives' stimulating company, who share their enthusiasm for ideas and learning.
ENTJ Strengths
● Genuinely interested in people's ideas and thoughts
● Enthusiastic and energetic
● Take their commitments very seriously
● Fair-minded and interested in doing the Right Thing
● Very good with money
● Extremely direct and straightforward
● Verbally fluent
● Enhance and encourage knowledge and self-growth in all aspects of life
● Able to leave relationships without looking back
● Able to turn conflict situations into positive lessons
● Able to take constructive criticism well
● Extremely high standards and expectations (both a strength and a weakness)
● Usually have strong affections and sentimental streaks
● Able to dole out discipline
ENTJ Weaknesses
● Their enthusiasm for verbal debates can make them appear argumentative
● Tendency to be challenging and confrontational
● Tend to get involved in "win-lose" conversations
● Tendency to have difficulty listening to others
● Tendency to be critical of opinions and attitudes which don't match their own
● Extremely high standards and expectations (both a strength and a weakness)
● Not naturally in tune with people's feelings and reactions
● May have difficulty expressing love and affection, sometimes seeming awkward or inappropriate
● Can be overpowering and intimidating to others
● Tendency to want to always be in charge, rather than sharing responsibilities
● Can be very harsh and intolerant about messiness or inefficiency
● Tendency to be controlling
● May be slow to give praise or to realize another's need for praise
● If unhappy or underdeveloped, they may be very impersonal, dictatorial, or abrasive
● Tendency to make hasty decisions
● Make explode with terrible tempers when under extreme stress
ENTJs as Lovers
ENTJs make aggressive, enthusiastic partners who take their commitments very seriously. As in other aspects of their life, they want to be the leader in the relationship, and take on responsibility for making things work. They are creative leaders, and are likely to have relationships which promote constant growth and learning. Since they are constantly scanning the environment for new ideas and things worth learning, the ENTJ may frequently re-define the "rules" of the relationship, although their commitment remains constant. If it becomes very clear to them that the relationship no longer offers any chance of growth or learning, the ENTJ will leave the situation, and not look back.
ENTJs are usually very successful in their careers, and usually very good with money. This is helpful in that it may remove a lot of the conflict which couples generate over money matters, but it may become a problem if the ENTJ is too much of a workaholic to spend time on the growth and development of the relationship.
The ENTJ is not naturally in-tune with the feelings and emotions of their partners. ENTJs who allow themselves time to be alone and develop the introspective "feeling" side of their natures will be generally "softer" individuals, who are more aware of their partners' emotional needs. However, this awareness is almost always a conscious attempt on the part of the ENTJ, rather than a naturally occurring characteristic. ENTJs who do not make the attempt to be aware of others and to value their feelings and opinions may find themselves in unbalanced relationships where real communication does not take place. These kinds of situations present a two-edged sword to the ENTJ. They want to be in charge, but if they become so much in charge as to stifle their partners, they will eventually become bored with the relationship.
Sexually, the ENTJ is robust, imaginative and enthusiastic. Their natural instinct to lead will be apparent in this arena as well as other areas of life, and they will lead their partner on creative lovemaking adventures, where the focus is on mutual learning and affection sharing. They're likely to expect sex on a relatively scheduled basis.
The ENTJ does not usually have a problem with self-confidence and is not especially emotionally needy. Although they enjoy being told that they are loved and appreciated, they don't need to hear these types of avowals as often as most other types. If they are partnered with a Feeling type, they are probably not likely to fulfill their partner's needs for intimate words without conscious effort. Even with effort, the ENTJ may have problems being aware of other's emotional needs, and they most likely won't understand those needs even if they are aware of them.
ENTJs approach conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning. This is a very healthy outlook in general, but may be a problem in a close relationship with a Feeling type. Individuals with the Feeling preference generally detest conflict and criticism, and avoid it as one would avoid a deadly snake. The ENTJs tendency to be confrontational may be very threatening to a person with a Feeling preference - especially so if they are an intimate partner of the ENTJ. An ENTJ who has a well-developed Feeling side may work well with a partner with a Feeling preference. Otherwise, ENTJs will probably have the most successful intimate relationships with types which prefer the Thinking process naturally, or who are not extremely strong on the Feeling preference.
In general, the ENTJ has a lot to offer to their intimate relationships. They're dedicated and enthusiastic, and willing to put forth a lot of effort to make things work out. They take on responsibility and accountability, and expect to be in charge. Their relationship will be one based on mutual respect, constant growth and development.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ENTJ's natural partner is the INTP, or the ISTP. AN ENTJ's dominant function of Extraverted Thinking is best-matched with a personality type that is dominated by Introverted Thinking. The ENTJ/INTP match is ideal, because it also shares the common Intuitive way of looking at the world, but the ENTJ/ISTP match is also very good.
ENTJs as Parents
ENTJs take their parenting role very seriously. They consider the task of passing on their values and goals to their children as an objective fact - it is something which will be done. They consider it their responsibility to make sure that their child is constantly developing and learning in the most optimal way. The ENTJ parent is usually rather strict, and has very high expectations of their children.
As a parent, the ENTJ continuously promotes learning and independent thinking. They pass on their love of knowledge to their children, and challenge them at every turn to thoroughly understand their positions and perspectives. They expect that their children will follow their lead. The ENTJ is in charge - there can be no doubt about that. They expect their children to honor their parents and to follow the rules and procedures which are set forth for the household. There is little room for error in those expectations, and the ENTJ will be a harsh parental authoritarian when the rules are broken. The children of an ENTJ usually know their place, and have a lot of respect for their ENTJ parent.
During the teen years, we are likely to see a child rebel from their relationship with the ENTJ. Although this situation is common with almost all of the types, it is especially true for parents who are Extraverted Judging types. Children growing into adults do not want to be controlled, and adults who are used to controlling their children have a difficult time letting go. The ENTJ parent would be wise to "loosen up" their hold a bit, as long as they can do so without compromising what they feel to be right.
ENTJs who have not given themselves introspective time to develop the feeling side of their nature frequently develop harsh, aggressive tendencies. Such an ENTJ parent is prone to be something of a dictator - giving out orders arbitrarily, and expecting them to be followed to a "T" without any "back-talk". If continued over a long span of time, this kind of behavior creates an oppressive environment for the child. An ENTJ can address such tendencies by making time for introspection, and remembering to consciously be aware of people's feelings.
ENTJs who have managed to avoid many of the problems associated with their type are wonderful parental figures. They are remembered fondly and valued by their children for challenging them at every turn, and thus promoting growth and development. This type of knowledge seeking usually becomes a life-long habit for their children, who turn into responsible and independent adults.
ENTJs as Friends
ENTJs are bright, energetic, sociable individuals who are keenly interested in other people's ideas, theories and perspectives. They love nothing better than to participate in quality conversation with other people who share similar views to their own, or who have something new to teach the ENTJ. They make stimulating, interesting, and dynamic friends and peers.
The ENTJ thoroughly enjoys lively, intellectual conversations - welcoming such interaction as a learning opportunity for all parties involved. They have a tendency to be direct and challenging when interacting with others, which tends to put people on the defensive. This is in fact exactly what they're after - the ENTJ wants to learn what you know, and understand as many of the nuances of your knowledge as the context of the conversation will allow. They go after this knowledge in a very direct, confrontational manner. With this approach, they will learn not only the facts of the knowledge, but also the background of the individual's stance on that piece of knowledge. How well does the individual understand the topic? How invested is the individual in their stance? This method of "unsettling" people has the effect of livening up conversations and stimulating learning, when the other conversationalists are able to easily withstand the interrogations of the ENTJ. People who are uncomfortable with being challenged, or who are less than confident in the topic being discussed, are likely to be subdued into not expressing themselves with the ENTJ. This is a bit of a shame, since many people have valuable things to offer, but are not always willing to stand on top of a mountain and strongly shout their views to the world.
The ENTJ is likely to seek the company of people who have similar views and interests to their own. They have no patience with people who have very different lifestyles and perspectives from their own. However, as individuals with a great deal of personal power, ENTJs are highly attracted to interacting with other individuals with a powerful presence. They admire such people, although they may not agree with them. ENTJs are likely to form their closer friendships with other iNtuitives - especially Extraverted iNtuitives, such as ENTJs, ENTPs, ENFJs, and ENFPs. The ENTJ will enjoy the other iNtuitives' stimulating company, who share their enthusiasm for ideas and learning.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Engaging The Heart
I was driving along the highway a few nights back and on the radio was the song That's what friends are for by Dionne Warwick. The chorus of the song goes like that:
Truly, the aforementioned few lines attest to a true friend that anyone would treasure. It also tells us what it takes to build an authentic and endearing bond of friendship. It reverberates the words of a wise saying -A friend in need is a friend indeed. Certainly, many of us will identify one who stands by us in times of adversity as a dear friend.
However, in our endeavours to comfort our loved ones, we sometimes find them not being receptive to our words of advice, sometimes we might find ourselves not saying the right things and other times, we might get frustrated with them speaking so much and we do not have much airtime in the conversation. This sparks of some feelings of frustration and self-pity. However in the midst of the frustration, we really need to call to mind the intent of our very act of reaching out to our friend- it really just to just be there and be a bearer of hope for the person., it is important to note that its more FOR THEM than FOR OURSELVES, hence our agendas are secondary. Of course, it is a bonus if we propose some wise directions, however if we are too forceful about it, the whole plan might backfire, our good intent might be misunderstood and the whole situation might turn ugly.
The key word here is empathy. We really have to put ourselves in the shoes of the other party, as much as we might think that we fully understand how he/she feels, we might not actually know. We need to really engage the heart of the other person, to really feel for him/her rather than be concerned with getting our point across, lest it will result in an undesirable outcome. If our primary consideration is to get our proposition across, aren't we deviating from our original intent in the first place? Loving someone means not imposing your ways on him/her yea, its to respect his/her right to make a choice and still offer support when the need arises.
Food for thought:
~ Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy. ~
~ Empathy is the lovefire of sweet remembrance and shared understanding. ~
Let us therefore strive to be people of empathy and better friends to the people around us.
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Knowing you can always always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Truly, the aforementioned few lines attest to a true friend that anyone would treasure. It also tells us what it takes to build an authentic and endearing bond of friendship. It reverberates the words of a wise saying -A friend in need is a friend indeed. Certainly, many of us will identify one who stands by us in times of adversity as a dear friend.
However, in our endeavours to comfort our loved ones, we sometimes find them not being receptive to our words of advice, sometimes we might find ourselves not saying the right things and other times, we might get frustrated with them speaking so much and we do not have much airtime in the conversation. This sparks of some feelings of frustration and self-pity. However in the midst of the frustration, we really need to call to mind the intent of our very act of reaching out to our friend- it really just to just be there and be a bearer of hope for the person., it is important to note that its more FOR THEM than FOR OURSELVES, hence our agendas are secondary. Of course, it is a bonus if we propose some wise directions, however if we are too forceful about it, the whole plan might backfire, our good intent might be misunderstood and the whole situation might turn ugly.
The key word here is empathy. We really have to put ourselves in the shoes of the other party, as much as we might think that we fully understand how he/she feels, we might not actually know. We need to really engage the heart of the other person, to really feel for him/her rather than be concerned with getting our point across, lest it will result in an undesirable outcome. If our primary consideration is to get our proposition across, aren't we deviating from our original intent in the first place? Loving someone means not imposing your ways on him/her yea, its to respect his/her right to make a choice and still offer support when the need arises.
Food for thought:
~ Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy. ~
~ Empathy is the lovefire of sweet remembrance and shared understanding. ~
Let us therefore strive to be people of empathy and better friends to the people around us.
The Re-activation
2009 has truly been a fast and furious one. Looking at the year in retrospect, I seemed to be perpetually occupied with truckloads of priorities spanning from work to my social life. Though it might sound like an excuse, the lifestyle I led this year surely doesn't leave me with much provision for reflection. I recall that, at the start of the year, I resolved to engage myself in daily reflection, unfortunately, it did not come to fruition. Count it as a blessing, I sudden felt an impetus today to re-activate the reflective side of me, hence, I thought I should act on it immediately and not sit on it for too long, like I did for the 3/4 of the year that has just passed...
I was fortunate enough this weekend to catch 2 movies- Paranormal Activity and 2012, of which I was particularly intrigued by the latter. The entire plot of the movie revolved around the end of the world, one of the most discussed topics amongst people from all walks of life. The commonplace concern is WHEN is it going to happen. However, today I propose that we slowly shift away from that burning doubt and channel some energy into effectively preparing ourselves for that end, for inadequate preparation will result in eternal regret.
An area to start our quest is our family. Throughout the movie, there were many cases of broken families. Some with divorced parents, some with broken parent-child relationships, others seperated and haven't spoken for ages. When the news was broken and the catastrophe was about to strike, it suddenly hit them that they should reconcile with their families or speak to them the last time. However, it was all too late, the communication systems were disabled, and soon after, the flood swept them away... We ought to ask ourselves, do we want it to happen to us? Do we want to leave with eternal regret? If our answer is NO, then we have to look into our lives and put certain things in order...when was the last time we showed appreciation to our parents or spouse? When was the last time we sincerely apologised for our wrong doings? When was the last time we had dinner at home? When was the last time we said I love you to our loved ones?
Life is uncertain, as such there is much room for many unprecedented events to take place, good or bad. I would like to now call to mind a quote known to most of us 'carpe diem-seize the day'. We ought to treasure and seize every moment with our loved ones. However, that is only possible when we make the effort and provision for them. That is where the whole crux of the issue lies...
The other point of reflection I gathered was that humans are made to love. Despite the many diverse personalities and conflicting interests, the basic human instinct is the same, that is, the instinct of love. This was depicted by the selflessness of certain characters during the catastrophe. However, in the face of competition and self-interest, this has become increasingly obscure and unattractive, leading to a whole spectrum of negativities- warfare, backstabbing, hatred and hostility...the list just seems inexhaustable. This is truly damaging to the human family. As the cliche goes 'unity is strength', being one united family would allow us to be more resilient to any form of adversity. The factor that will bind us together is the love we have for one another...
It is my prayer that I will be able to internalise these reflection points and become a better family member and son of the human family.
God Bless...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)